in school for two weeks already, ayee not that im excited cos i've got so many readings to do and studying is always dreadful. you know you have the inspiration but once you turn on the computer, it just stops there. this week has been a pretty loaded one (which i love, i love busy weeks it just gives me more push!) attended NUS student union biz com welcome tea so we learn more about the club. J and I already have plans to join in fact we went for interviews already cos it fits us esp for me, i personally like it, being able to mix around with new people, learn new stuff and basically fitting into uni life. ;/ then had dinner with djade on tues, we had aerins and starbucks, lovely. its so great to still be able to meet up with them, we must make it regular cos they have been my bestest of best friends in poly. we all forgot our cameras so make do with agnes' iphone. ;)


went down to club room for a second round interview and omg i got to choose to head either bazaar or advertising & promotions. so finally decided on advertising & promotions (well, didnt have much of a choice anw. :/) wanted events events events get to plan like NUS Bash which is so awesome or HR but ayeeeeeeeee. ): you dont always get the best things in life do we? ytd was just as bad, went down to do manual tutorial registration but didnt get it so my seniors say just crash but idk how that will result, quite embarassing to be throw out of class right. sighsssss,

THIS IS NUS. :/ oh wellm enough of the sob sob stories, i will put up photos of my room soon cos its still one big mess now. and i should start reading and doing tutorials.

anw typing this with my new lappy. YAY! small, petite and pretty.(:

byeeee.


i got no school today(hopefully not for this sem!) but im up early to meet J. how nice of me righttt! anyway, first week of school pretty mundane, it still hasnt sank in that school's started and i gotta to study do projects, prepare for exams soon. all my exam dates are set alrd! ): lectures are all two hour long which is such a bitch cos after an hour, you will start to feel the pain in ur ass, attention draining away, feel hungry and super sleepy. and i have 4 hrs straight lectures on tues, more to come! just ranked my tutorial slots and hopefully i get the same ones as J! so glad i can at least have two classes with him. (:

but all my modules suck la. wait till you hear them.
Communications, New Media and Society
The Making of Modern Europe
Place, Environment and Society
Introduction to E-commerce
Operations Management

sighhhhhhhh ):

i need to start packing my clothes for hostel, but such a pain in the ass cos i cant decide what i wna wear. grrrr. i need to start being friendly and make friends too. ayeee, school just sucks!


i have been crying day after day, night after night for the past week. i know crying over things that cant be done is stupid, but its because you cant do anything thats why you keep crying. i know there will be many people out there that will mock at me, bcos i seem to have everything. i have great friends from poly and sec sch which we still meet up ocasionally, i got into a local university, i have a superb bf that takes care and give in to me. but its not just that, its about issues i have with myself that makes me feel so loser-ish, so stupid, so childish, so spoilt, so dependent.

im so extremely fearful of uni that i cringe in fear every night, i lay in bed eyes wide open when im all alone. all these cos im taking some stupid degree which i DO NOT understand at all, and having to compete with people from jc who can easily excel in these modules. all these adds on to the pressures of having to bid for modules, arranging my own timetable, being all alone in school cos i didnt go for any orientation camps, having to eat alone, sit alone in class, seeing J so happy with classmates yet im so pathetic. knowing that i wont be able to get a good enough CAP to get a transfer to biz. and J would excel in his cohort. having to stay in my hostel alone, by myself. all these thoughts just kills me. i know i was really foolish ystd J, i apologise but i come to the extend i need to be surrounded by people all the time otherwise i start thinking negatively and all the suicidal thoughts reappear in my head. i really wish there was something someone can do.

bcos im not excited at all. & infact im scared, im so fucking scared.
im so desperate i would do anything.
i just want to lie in ur arms cos its only then that i can get a shuteye.
i seriously dont know why the fuck do i bother writing so much.
& i miss you gwen, i miss you sooo much i wished you were here cos you would be able to talk me out of things. fml. )))))))))))))):